Seeing a post that one of my friends on Facebook about his dog, Roxy, suffering from cancer, made me think about my Pepper. Its hard to believe that its been nearly five months since that heard wrenching day in December, 2011, when I made, without a doubt, the toughest decision of my life, to put my Lhasa Apso/Shih Tzu mix, Pepper, to sleep. She was a week shy of 13. She was dealing with dementia and was suffering mentally. In the last several months of her life, especially, the last month or so, her behavior had become erratic and destructive. Losing a pet is a tough tough ordeal, especially when she and Sam the cat helped me through three of the toughest years that I personally had ever dealt with. After my now ex wife and I split up, those two four legged poop factories helped to keep me sane. They maintained normalcy in an otherwise abnormal situation. Pepper came to me on Super Bowl Sunday, 1999. I missed the 2nd half of John Elway's last game ever as a pro, to play with a 6 week old puppy and to implore her to quote, "poo poo on the paper". She became a constant in my life. Whether it be jumping on the bed when it was time to go to bed or to take a nap, or whether she begged for food, Pepper never ceased to make me laugh. As it became apparent that the time to make a decision was near, I prayed to God that HIS will would be done. As a pet owner, its easy to be selfish and to try to prolong your friend's life, just for the sake of holding off the inevitable grief. However, it was even more selfish of me to consider making her suffer anymore. So, after much prayer and thinking, it was time. I can still remember having that talk with her, asking her to forgive me and asking God to forgive me for the decision I was making. It was tough knowing that on Saturday morning, December 17, 2011, Pepper was alive and breathing and that two hours later, she was gone. I still remember sitting in that room in the Beebe Vet Hospital, petting her and telling her that I loved her before the vet came to take her in the back for that final shot. I had to wear sunglasses inside because I was crying and my eyes were incredibly red. I still remember taking her to my parents to her final resting place and my dad helping me to dig her grave. As I stood out there on that sunny Saturday morning, it took so much strength for me not to totally break down. Then, I simply said, "Goodbye Pepper". I came home and grieved and I cried. The house was so not the same. No Pepper greeting me at the door when I came home from work, no tail wagging. It was an eerie silence for a couple of days. I cried like a baby, but............and I do believe this is important, you have to grief. You have to have that chance to say goodbye, to celebrate the life of the one that you just said goodbye to. Sam the cat did some grieving. There was about a two week period in which he would lay on Pepper's green blanket in my closet. You see, animals feel emotion just like humans do and they grieve just like people do. Once in a while, when Sam is on the bed and I'm laying in bed, I'll ask if he misses "sissy". Deep inside that feline mind, I do believe that Sam misses his big sister. I will never have another inside dog. I base that decision on two things, one, because I don't know if I want to get attached to another dog like that, although there will never be another dog like Pepper, and two, as someone who drives 32 miles to work every day, and is gone a lot, its not fair for the dog to be alone for so many hours. I'll always think of my "big girl", my "bigness", my "babygirl". She will always have a place in my heart, forever and forever. So Jason and Nikki, it will be tough and you will cry and you will mourn, but ya'll will be okay. Its like I posted on Facebook, maybe Roxy and Pepper will play together. To my Pepper, I'll love you always biggirl.
No comments:
Post a Comment